I think this is one of the year that I would want to
forget and move on in my life. Lot of heart aches, disappointments and
embarrassments. Learnt lot of lessons, but still trying to figure out how to
overcome and implement them going forward.
I have learnt multiple lessons throughout this year in a
real hard way.
Empathy – I
figured out that both my strength and weakness is Empathy. I can easily put
myself in others’ shoes and relate to anyone’s feelings and thoughts quickly
and I can read people easily. This is surely a great asset to anyone and for me
it is like a curse as I worry about others all the time. I worry about others’
feelings and thoughts when they are least bothered about me. This quality is
certainly an asset at work but a curse personally. People take advantage of my
empathy and misuse it.
Unconditional
Love
– This is the year where I figured out there is nothing called unconditional
love in this world. According to me, it does not even exist. Anyone can
disagree, but in the reality, that is 100% true. People who disagreeing with me
will figure this out at some point in their life like I did now. Any
relationship that you have – be it a friend or a family, there is always
something underlying.
God’s
way
– Whenever we are in trouble, we pray to God. Not everyone but surely most of
us. I do not think we ever go to a temple to say thanks to God for whatever he
gave us. But we go and ask him whenever we need something or to be fixed. The
interesting thing is God has a strange way of handling your requests and needs.
Either he helps you or creates another problem/worry that is larger than your
current request/need. In that way, you forget about your ask and start worrying
about your new problem. I experienced it too this year.
I had gone through (still going through) personal crisis
in 2016. I have been hibernating for the last few months with all these crises
and there are 2 things that is close to my heart which kept me going. First -
My work – I started a new job in Feb, but took over extra responsibilities and
enjoying the challenges, made some new friends at work and hiring more team
members as usual. Second – My Dance – I performed few different dances in the
last couple of months for my dance school as well as choreographed one to
perform with friends. That practice sessions helped me a lot to relax. People
who interacted with me on these fronts would not have noticed any change in me.
I was being myself at my work and my dance.
I am really thankful that I have an outlet to put my
energy and focus into. I would surely advise any of you who reads this to get a
hobby where you can have your own me-time. It really helps us.
I am also thankful to 2 of my cousins who reached out to
me (immediately within couple of days) asking whether I am ok and/or need any
help. It was really nice of them.
I certainly need my personal time to think. My husband
and kids are doing a decent job J and
also letting me do my dance adjusting their schedules. Not sure how long I can
stretch it, but it is a great opportunity for me to dance at this point of
life. I can do it only because of them.
With all these confusions, the 3rd thing I
still follow is lighting the lamp in my pooja room every day and tell a sloka.
Not sure whether anything is going to change soon, but I do not want to give
up.
Life circumstances are so relative and each one
prioritize their problem in a very different way. Money is not the only
happiness in the world, I tell my team members all the time that someone can
make 30K and be happy in their life and someone could make 100K and be unhappy
in their life. That’s 200% true. Money cannot bring or buy happiness for anyone
in this world. Living in a rich country, driving a luxury car, having a great
job does not equate to happiness.
There are tons of people who do not care about anyone
else but themselves. I think they lead a better life as they do not worry about
how others feel or what others want. They just lead their own selfish life.
This was an opportunity for me to realize how would other
people react or reach out in difficult times. Whomever I empathized all the
time did not care or worry about what happened, rather they were worried about how
my hibernation affected them. I do not have the courage to love or trust anyone
anymore.
Gist - I
trusted everyone, empathized with anyone and expected the same from everyone
around me. Which I know is really stupid, but it took this long for me to
understand that my expectations are not practical. I need to change my
expectations which in turn I need to change my behavior too. I am kind of
disconnected from my personal world and using this time to reinvent myself and
understand how to focus my energy and empathy going forward.
Few things that I learnt -
- Have a hobby/interest.
- You do not have control on others’ behavior. You have control only on how you react to it.
- Do not expect anything from anyone. Period.
- Just do your duty and move on.
Hope the New Year makes me wiser!
