Mom - Are you Guilty?

I kind of wanted to blog this morning. Not sure why? But when I thought more about it, then I realized that I want to blog whenever I am happy or sad about something. Today’s blog is for the latter part. I feel very sad and confused for the last few days. Satvika’s school year is ending on this Thursday May 23^rd. She is finishing up her Montessori Preschool this year and starting Kindergarten this Fall. Actually the public school starts little early this year on August 14^th. She told me over the last weekend that her summer vacation starts from Friday. She was very happy to say that to me. But actually there is no summer vacation for her. The only thing this year is, I did not sign her up for summer camp at the preschool, instead she will be going to Samanu’s daycare for few weeks and new summer camp for 6 weeks. My parents were supposed to come and visit us this summer, but my dad is tied up with some work and they are still not sure about their trip. So, it looks like both the kids need to continue their routine even during summer. There is really NO BREAK for them L. I feel very guilty these days. I know how much I enjoyed during my summer break. I feel like I am not giving what they are supposed to experience for their summer break.

I have all kind of thoughts now – Am I doing something wrong that my kids are not allowed to enjoy their vacation?, Is that our parents’ responsibility to come and take care of the grandkids?, Are they(kids) really going to miss something or will they be ok?, Can I do something about this situation?

I also have SOME answer for all of these questions, it might not be the right answer.

Am I doing something wrong that my kids are not allowed to enjoy their vacation? à This is my running race scenario, I already started running in my career path, now I am not sure whether I would be able to stop or take a break. I feel torn between my family and work when I think about this.

Is that our parents’ responsibility to come and take care of their grandkids? à I feel certainly not. But there are some grandkids who are blessed to have that opportunity. That’s what I feel. Some grandparents are healthy as well as have loves to do that, some grandparents are not healthy enough to do it, some are healthy but do not have the interest to do that. I sometimes think that we are misusing their love stating that it’s your responsibility to take care of my kids. I am not sure whether everyone would agree to me, but that’s what I feel.

Are they(kids) really going to miss something or will they be ok? à My younger one is only 2 years old now and I don’t think she would understand the difference between her normal routine or her break. She should be ok. But for my older one, she surely has some logical questions to ask us. I hope she likes her new summer camp. I am really hoping that they both are ok with their summer plans.

Can I do something about this situation? à I can certainly do, but that is not going to be practical or realistic. I should start let go of few situations if we do not have control over it. I am trying it but I cannot surely let go off my guilty feeling.

I think most of us go through this guilty feeling at different points with our childcare. Each of us have our own way of overcoming it and I think one of my way is talking about it. I thought if I share my feeling about it, others who read this post might feel better that they are not the only ones who deal with this situation.

Some of us cannot stay home fulltime and take care of kids (it is not only from financial aspect). Some moms are like that and they like the challenges they face at work. Some enjoy staying at home and take care of the kids & enjoy that challenges. It changes from person to person. I don’t think there is anything right or wrong in any of these ways. One of my friend/colleague told me that she is a better mom when she works. I thought it made perfect sense. You need to satisfy your ego & yourself for sure to keep moving.

I need to remember that some moms are BETTER MOMS when they go to work. And I think I am one of it J.

P.S. I started this blog with a sad feeling, but ending it with a confidence. Hope it stays...

Can a Friendship Change?

Last week’s discussion in Neeya Naana was about girls having boys as “Friends” and how their family sees that and handles that. On one side, all girls were there and on the other side their family was there. Most parts of the discussion were healthier and I even liked the panel member’s views from Vennila and Abhilash. It is always good to hear different perspectives. The way, other people see things different than us – seems very interesting and fulfilling to me these days. I started feeling like I am learning more and more every day. I was in girls school from 6^th to 12^th standard. But was in co-education in college. I always had some boys as “Friends” throughout my life through tuition, through other friends, college, work etc. I never hesitated to introduce them to my family and never was scared about it.

After hearing all the discussions last Sunday, the only thing that came to my mind was, do I ever miss any one of my friends now? The immediate thought was “Yes, I do miss one of my best friend” and he is Gopi Sambandam. I mentioned it to my husband Vijay with a very sad tone. It’s not that I don’t talk to Gopi now. We still catch up sometimes (rarely) and update each other. But I think I miss the friendship which we had before. Not sure whether he does miss too. But it is very unfortunate that I don’t talk to him as much as I did before. There are quite a number of things (in my life) which I would have shared or asked or discussed with him, but all those thoughts/things remained unspoken & unshared L.

I really do miss his Friendship, but will TREASURE the memories forever.

Things changed, Priorities changed, Our Lives changed and sadly Our Friendship also changed.

On a lighter note, I want to mention about Suresh here. He was with us in the Engineering first year at Velammal Engineering College only for few months. He then took a transfer and moved to Crescent Engineering College. I just knew him only for few months, but I still have special kind of friendship with him. His birthday is on Nov 17^th and for some strange reason, I remember that every year and call him to wish him Happy Birthday. We don’t talk to each other almost the whole year, but I always remember his Birthday & on Nov 17^th I call him for sure J. I think I am doing that for more than 10 years except 1 or 2 years when I went to India. 

It’s Snowing Here – Really???

Yes. Today is May 2^nd and it is snowing here. Crazy Huh!!!!!!!!?????!!!???!!!!!!!!!

We are in the middle of Spring and it is supposed to be Summer officially in another 45 days. I did not know that it was going to snow today. When I got up this morning and looked outside through window, I was confused for couple of seconds and it took few more seconds for me to digest that it is REAL. This kind of weather is very depressing. I was talking about this to Vijay and he was like “Humans get sick once a while and it is similar with nature too. Today is a sick day. It should get better soon”. Not sure whether he made sense J, but I liked his simple analogy.

Looks like most of the people were not ready to cope up with this snow like me. City had already started some construction on few roads. So, some of the 2 lanes had been changed to one lane last week. With all these snow and one lane roads, it took almost 45 minutes for me to reach office (closer to 6 miles). Everyone was driving so slow. Temperature is 33 F (little above 0 degree C), so snow is melting which is a good thing so that we will not have black ice and bad roads. But on the down side, roads are so slushy.

We had 80’s F on the first part of this week and suddenly it dropped to 30’s F now. Actually it is very scary and alarming. Looks like it is one of the bad signs from Global Warming!!!! Not sure what kind of natural wealth that we are going to leave for our kids. I don’t think our kids are going to experience the same kind of weather that we experienced for each season.

The growth of Science and Technology increases on one side and on the other side lot of natural wealth is diminishing. Time to think Guys !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!